The English version of the English language   8 comments

English language for the English

Sadly you don’t need to look further than England to discover people beating the English language over the head with a baseball bat as they produce complete nonsense in print.

The author really aught to be ashamed of themselves, but as for the company Network Rail allowing an official communication to the public to be so drastically mangled, well that is unforgivable!

But then hang on we are talking about “Network Rail,” the company that fails to run a viable rail network throughout England, so we shouldn’t expect anything different. Should we?

About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams

Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75


8 responses to “The English version of the English language

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  1. A lot of dog owners have more than one dog so it could have been worse… please do not allow your dog’s to fowl the footpath…

    • So true. Doggie do do on a footpath, hidden amongst the grass in a public park and worse still in a children’s play area. I am all for watching for uncaring dog owners responsible and rubbing their hands in the stuff after that have allowed their doggies to defecate without clearing it up afterwards.

      On a cold day just think what they are missing, a warm plastic bag covered poo hand warmer.

      Ten years ago here in Prague it was like Switzerland you didn’t see a pile of dog poo anywhere the owners probably got reported to the secret police for pooping offences but now it is beginning to catch up with the ‘advanced civilisations’ like the UK (har ha) and there are piles of poo cropping up here and there.

      Happily dogs are still licensed and so it is reasonably easy to report the offending dog owner and the Dog Police (no seriously that’s what they are called) will turn up and write a ticket, they also turn out for stray dogs roaming the neighbourhood and the owners are severely fined if caught.

      Of course that’s why you don’t see many stray dogs.

      The worst place I have ever been to for stray Dogs was Novosibirsk in Siberia, there were dozens of them, some even survive the winter temperatures of up to -22C, goodness knows how, they don’t have an ounce of fat on them.

      If I didn’t do the ‘cat thing’ I think I would try and ‘do’ something for those dogs. Neutering would be the first step, I don’t think the locals would adopt them sadly, or they would have don so by now!

      Why are people like the way they are now. I saw your blog when you were picking up plastic bottles from the woods! Bastards who drop that sort of trash in the countryside should be banned from it!


      • Oh dear, sorry I didn’t want to set you off on a poo tirade!! Tee hee… I was just doing the misplaced apostrophe to add to the misspelling.
        Mum’s paranoid about making sure she always has at least two poo bags with her when we go out – she’s learned from experience that sometimes I can manage a 2nd poo, just to check she’s prepared! Thankfully we mostly walk where you don’t need to pick up poo, makes me feel all wild and a bit like a bear in the woods.
        Talking of picking up plastic bottles, we were at Queens Copse today and could have done with a carrier bag. As it was mum managed to pick up 1 glass bottle, 4 plastic bottles, 2 beer cans and a plastic jug. She says we’ll take a bag when we go next time. She does draw the line at picking up stinky old bagged poo. That would have to be a special expedition with gloves and strong bags. Why on earth don’t people just leave the poop, it would be gone so much quicker. Cheap poo bags can survive for years 😦 Oh dear, now you’ve started me off. Grrr!

      • Pooping in public is a delicate matter I know and Mum sounds like one of the best facilitators in the land. Of course I wasn’t tirading if that is a word against dear Mum, but against the other folk who don’t care where they leave their pooches poop.

        I didn’t mean to start you off on a tirade all of your very own. Like me you probably can’t help it especially as the animal gets the blame half the time.

        I think it is time that the UK became more civilised and introduced dog licences, especially as most dogs are now chipped, which I was reliably informed doesn’t mean peeling them, cutting them in to chunky lengths and deep frying them, I tell you dogs got of light there!

        We done on the little collecting expedition. It is a shame that people are such… well I was going to say pigs, but I typed ‘arseholes’ and deleted it, which of course saved a lot of embarrassment all round.

        Your Mum is a bit techie, what with cordless, rechargeable, wireless vacuum cleaners and and whatnot, can’t she rig a webcam up to catch these the loitering, littering, louts involved a car reg would be great then we could post pictures of their asses on a website called something rather nasty. With the littering and the car registration plate asking if anyone knows where the culprits live in obvious squalor, unless of course they only do their littering in pretty public places.

        Oh dear me another tirade… but you can see how littering and the rest gets to me :0)

        Good luck with the big bags to clean up after others.

      • BOL she’s not very techie at all… but apparently if you pay extra you can have a cable for attaching the GTech to a computer and can download all it’s usage information and whatever other useless information it stores in its little battery brain. We didn’t pay extra.
        Next thing to tirade about will be cat poo! People get quite up set about neighbours cats pooping in their back gardens! But I think we should save that for another day, I’m off to bed, daddy’s away so I get a whole half a bed all to myself!!

      • Download a vacuum cleaners usage, what a load of nonsense, unless you want to prove a point with Dad, gulp runs under the sofa awaiting the row.

        Cat’s poo is not ok, but here I have deer and and probably fox poo in the garden, deer stuff is good for the soil but fox poo tends to be buried as a gift to the gardener to dig up later when it is nice and gulp….

        With foxes pooing in the garden you tend not to get Cat’s they are too clever to want to be eaten!

        Litter trays are the answer to most pussy poo requirements – damn failed on the alliteration there. Bed sounds good, I have a few more hours work to do, I started at 5.45 am this morning so need a hero badge please! Especially as I have Hives currently. That’s something you get when you get old isn’t it? Bum! I’m old!

        Sleep well my friend and give a little room to Mummykins she bags your poo you know. Watch her carefully! :0)

      • That’s what we thought.
        Cat’s poo is really gross – jeez I ate one once when I was young and silly, never did it again!
        We also have deer, foxes and rabbits pooping in the garden. The pesky deer come in at this time of year to eat the heads off all the spring bulbs that are coming up. Grrr.
        Aren’t hives itchy things? Assuming they’re not the ones you keep bees in.
        I’m zzzzzzzzzing already.

      • Neither of us have learned the lesson given to some bloggers. “How to close a thread!” Have we?

        Cat’s poo is yuck! You ate some… well you’re a dog, they aren’t the sharpest tools in the box are they?

        I know there are Hares in the fields around us, saw some in the snow the other day. We don’t have sprouting anything yet, the frosts are still unforgiving but happily although it snowed today the snow is going, the snowman looks more like Queen Victoria now, all bottom and not much top in a veil!

        Hives are terribly itchy and one usually gets it around one’s expanding waist, I have it this time, on my hands, right is worst, shoulder and now on the face, and my face is my fortune so i have to protect my investment… whoops that’s a gag from a movie I’m writing currently!

        I’m taking antihistamines, downing them like sweeties didn’t work so now prednisone it is a bit strong! Happily the side effects of a steroid can be rather enhancing I have heard har ha.

        Sleep well.

        Yours enviously,

        The Cat

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