Archive for December 2016

Continuing hygiene theme   2 comments

Hand and willy dryer France

In a restroom somewhere in France is a collection of very surprised, but happy men, getting clean with a very special machine.

It’s New Year’s Eve, and for any of those of my dear cuddly readers who may have not noticed, that means tomorrow is a New Year though I hope that doesn’t need explaining!

So my dear cuddly readers I would like to wish each and every one of you a very Happy New Year.


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet. Happily soon ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ will be available in China, aren’t the Chinese lucky!

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

Hygiene it’s so important   4 comments

Most agree that along with being fed enough to keep you alive hygiene is important to everyone on the planet, I suppose this applies to the good people of Sri Lanka!

Hygiene In Sri Lanka

I presume that the used items (I can’t bring myself to call them used toilet rolls – oh! Whoops.) have been well washed, disinfected and dried, but then a lot of people say I presume too much!


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet. Happily soon ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ will be available in China, aren’t the Chinese lucky!

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

Some of the year’s best spam   Leave a comment

We all get spammed and if you have one or two email addresses or a blog you get some. But if you have anything to do with google a blog, email account etc., it seems that the amount of spam you can get in a year is simply monumental. To say nothing of the rubbish that Facebook sends out all the time – do I really have to know that someone I don’t know has commenting on some piffle written by a stranger? I think not!

It always amuses me how the idiots who write spam seem to have no grip on reality and in Facebook’s case the truth, but what really really worries me is that spam works by all accounts! Shame on you the human race you have a lot of idiots in your vast numbers!

Anyway enough of criticising the human race, which of course doesn’t include you my dear cuddly (intelligent and discerning) readers. I thought today instead of sharing a silly picture and don’t worry I haven’t run out of them by any means, I would share some of my favourite spam comments which have been posted on my blog.

And before you start to worry there are only three although I received thousands, oh the trials of being a star! I was going to use the word ‘celebrity’ but the Jenner/Kardashians have ruined that word obviously!

The spam comments are in bold to ‘hopefully’ avoid confusion.

In response to What’s in a name?

“Hi there, after reading this amazing post i am too happy to share my familiarity here with colleagues.”

Now to me that sounds like a messy process!

“I have learn several just right stuff here. Certainly worth bookmarking for revisiting. I surprise how so much attempt you set to make any such fantastic informative web site.”

Well I suppose one man’s information is another man’s bollocks! I can say bollocks can’t I? Oops!

In response to Bad doggie number 2 – I ate the wall

“That is a good tip particularly to those new to the blogosphere. Short but very accurate info. Appreciate your sharing this one. A must read article!”

Obviously if you give a thousand monkeys typewriters they can rather effectively produce nonsense in the form of spam.


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet. Happily soon ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ will be available in China, aren’t the Chinese lucky!

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

Handheld devices on the menu   Leave a comment

Personally I have never tried to eat a handheld device although I have to admit to having bitten more hands than I can remember. I wonder what they are like, they are obviously going down big in China.

Handheld devices on the menu

All of that started me thinking if you fancied a light lunch in this restaurant would you order a Torch?


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet. Happily soon ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ will be available in China, aren’t the Chinese lucky!

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

What’s in a name?   Leave a comment

What if you lived here Japan

The translation of this wonderful Japanese word, which I did try to introduce into the polite conversation over Christmas lunch is… wait for it… ‘Curtains!’ Honest!


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet. Happily soon ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ will be available in China, aren’t the Chinese lucky!

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

Christmas Eve Menu suggestions   2 comments

You leave my bum out of this

That’s one place to avoid eating today. Personally I am quite happy with my bum and wouldn’t want it grilled and then served to my friends let alone other dinners and conversely I wouldn’t want their bums on my plate thank you very much.

I hope your Christmas Eve is a happy one and that if you have always wanted someone special to share today with your wish has come true.


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet. Happily soon ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ will be available in China, aren’t the Chinese lucky!

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams

Happy Christmas To One and All   Leave a comment

I imagine that your Christmas parties are in full swing now dear cuddly readers and so I thought I would wish you all a very Happy Christmas while you can see straight and not tomorrow when you will have the Mother of All Headaches.

Happy Christmas dear cuddly readers, oh I have said that before really haven’t I!

I thought I would be a helpful Cat this year and offer a few last minute present ideas for the loved ones who are more difficult to cater for.

How about a Merry Christmas jumper?

Last minute Christmas Gifts 2

Or if that doesn’t quite hit the spot then what about this little winner?

Last minute Christmas Gifts

Yes that’s right a Polaroid multifunction toilet roll holder, and dispenser. That has to be a good one right?

However if your dear one is of a more discerning nature then may I propose a wonderful bestselling ebook, available not only right up to Christmas but well beyond.

Yes that’s right you guessed it this brilliant tome.


The Cat & Kindle

Grab a credit card, click the picture and get whizzed to Amazon and in a few seconds, depending upon the speed of your internet connection, you can solve all your last minute Christmas present problems. Did I hear a “hooray for The Cat?” I should think so! I also think I heard someone say “buy five,” but I could be wrong!