Driving instructions for 5 yr olds in Sri Lanka   8 comments

Driving instructions for 5 yr olds Sri Lanka

Oh how sweet! But watch out for the Police in a hurry nee nawing around and any railroad crossings with choo choos on them.

About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

I would like to tell you all about something new and rather nice that you can get from the Apple iBooks store, no not ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book you have been able to get that for ages, no something else rather wonderful. You can get John Woodcock’s brilliantly illustrated book the first in the series called ‘The Trams of Prague’

This heavily illustrated books created especially for iPads, Pods and Phones called Tram No 6 is the Naughtiest of Trams and it looks amazing.

If you would like to get this exceptional book the easy way, just click on this link:
Trams of Prague – Tram No6 is the Naughtiest of Trams

Don’t forget dear cuddly readers one and all that my translator’s heavily illustrated book has just been made available at the iBookstore or iTunes – what was it with Steve Jobs and all of the ‘i’s’?

To get whizzed straight to the store whatever it’s called just click on the picture of the cover of that wonderful book below.

Trams of Prague ePub Cover 2 1 13 225x225 75


8 responses to “Driving instructions for 5 yr olds in Sri Lanka

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  1. I find all that tooting of horns on narrow lanes very annoying. We live on one and there are one and two regulars who insist on tooting their horn every few yards. Unless they’re driving a silent electric car, if we’re walking down the road we can hear them coming and take appropriate action. Them tooting isn’t going to make us jump any further into the hedge, they should be going slow enough to see us in good time.Grumble grumble.
    Didn’t Noddy’s car go ‘parp parp’?? Toot toot… Beep beep… Parp parp…. they all have their own language.

    • Agreed on the ‘Tooting’ business in country lanes. I used to live on the outskirts of Tunbridge Wells and the lanes there were designed to scare anyone with lots of blind bends and very few white sticks to warn anyone, worse still all of the transport there is conducted in enormous 4×4’s and although I have to confess I had a Land Cruiser at least I knew how to drive it, unlike the Mum’s on school runs shouting and glaring at several children in the back seats, while drinking coffee or whiskey or both from one of those silly thermos mugs with one hand and using their dreadful mobile phones with the other.

      No fellow road users were safe, horses had nervous breakdowns while slipping and sliding on the wet tarmac, and walkers would have to dive onto the verge as these dreadful women raced past.

      Still I bet it is a little more sedate down Darset Way (read with an accent please). You probably are only having to jump into hedges every half hour or so, not like the rural bit of T Wells where in the morning and then again in the afternoon these harridans of the ruled the tarmac.

      On the Noddy question, was it Big ears who went Parp Parp? Probably eat loads of baked beans poor fellow.

      Do always feel free to grumble, I knwo I do har ha.

      • Well my good friends at Wiki have come up trumps again (har har… as I googled Big Ears re Parp Parp… baked beans indeed)
        “Noddy is a self-employed taxi driver. Noddy loves driving his friends around Toytown in his little red and yellow taxi. The other toys can hear him coming by the distinctive “Parp, Parp” sound of his taxi’s horn and the jingle of the bell on his blue hat.” I’m not sure how accurate it all is, my memory of the Noddy characters doesn’t include even half of the ones listed http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Noddy_(character)
        See? With a pinch of salt Wiki is wonderful.

      • I understood that Noddy and Big Ears were in some sort of open relationship which involved a yellow car, I didn’t know that the yellow car was a yellow cab, there weren’t any clues, like the books being set in New York, or money changing hands.

        When looking at wikipedia’s result I hardly think that a “pinch of salt” is sufficient har ha.

        Maybe it wasn’t Baked Beans that made Big Ears go Parp Parp because they don’t do that to me when I eat them – I suppose we have to blame a certain Ms Enid Blyton don’t you?

        Hang on do you think that it was Tripe that caused Big Ears parping problem? I don’t eat Tripe so I’m not an expert, now hum, do I know anyone or any dog that does eat Tripe? Let me see, ah yes, you like Tripe don’t you, so come on dear Teagan spill the beans err as it were!

      • Heavens no, tripe is wonderful and definitely doesn’t cause a parping problem. Unfortunately I don’t get to eat tripe very often nowadays as my raw food supplier got DEFRA registered and now can’t sell tripe because it has a too high count of bacteria in it, or I think that’s what they said. Most disappointing, I miss it terribly… the frozen minced stuff that’s readily available isn’t half as good as the real thing. Sigh….

      • I thought that Tripe was too wonderful to be a cause of any Parping whatsoever, but I had to ask. Mind you as far as I understand ladies don’t do that sort of thing anyway do they?

        That is such a shame that the mad rules bar you from eating something as nutritious as fresh Tripe. Can’t you strong-paw a local butcher and not have to endure the less appetising frozen minced stuff? Mind you I have read a lot of Tripe recently especially today when guests in our country tell us what we can and can’t read, maybe you and your Spaniel pack/crew could eat them?

      • Thank you for reminding me, I haven’t asked our local butcher recently… I’ll ask next time I’m in shopping for tasty morsels. Eat people? I’m far more likely to lick them to death.

      • Sounds like a plan with the local butcher, I used to use Strickland’s in Swanage, they would cut any bit of meat into any shape, like turning Lamb into Crown Roast or the Cathedral Shape and all you had to do was to cook it and guests would think that you had spent even more hours in the kitchen than you actually had, crimping, trimming and cutting a large bit of Lamb.

        Oh and they also made their own sausages they were divine, mind you any locally made English sausages are nice, dribble, it isn’t something dribble again, than you get in theses parts, dribble, sigh both uncontrollably! Here this is like Germany, it’s sausage land but they aren’t like English sausages sign, sob.

        Actually (brightening) I do make my own sausages, they have to be skinless because I have, as yet I have only found sausage skin sellers who want to sell me enough of the things to fit into a shed, and though I like sausages they are a treat item and not a staple as they are so delightfully bad for you and one’s waistline.

        As a service to one of my pals I decided to take up your ‘Tripeless’ case and try and identify any Tripe Dressers still in business and low and behold there must be… I found the Tripe Marketing Board based in Manchester and on the web here –


        While it wasn’t apparent that they can put you in touch with someone wishing to sell Tripe (an omission I believe is of monumental proportions, but then I used to work in advertising and can tell that none of these Tripeiteers have ever done that) I am pretty sure that a swift email to them describing your fate would prompt them to supply a list of people aching to deliver a bucket or two full of the white stuff.

        It would be interesting to see how you get on with the TMB – Tripe Mark… etc to see if they are serious, there are enough of them pictured on the website to capsize a reasonably sized dingy if they tried!

        Have a great day filled with dreams of Tripe.

        As for eating radicals ok take your point just bite their ankles then!

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