Archive for July 2012

Urban Fox has a Muddy Escape   Leave a comment

Franky the Fox an adorable young fox cub had what couldn’t exactly be termed a Bond like escape from a muddy spot of bother recently when he was pulled from a deep muddy hole on building site caked in mud.

Fox1

Four-month-old Franky the Fox who was rescued from an site close to London’s Canary Wharf, wasn’t apparently looking for a secret way into the London Olympics without paying he had just lost his way and fell into the deep hole and had little or no chance of escaping.

Happily a kindly builder spotted Franky the Fox and his slimy predicament and phoned the South Essex Wildlife Hospital who arrived promptly on the scene to take care of Franky the Fox.

The only harm that was done was that Franky the Fox was covered in a thick layer of dried sludge from head to foot which as you can see washed off – eventually.
Fox2

After a lot of rest and even more food Franky the Fox will be released into the wild with the warning presumably, “Don’t go near any deep muddy holes!” Let’s hope that Franky the Fox remembers this important warning in the future.


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Home cooking Tokyo style   Leave a comment

We hope you like home cocking Tokyo

TEE HEE

It gets a bit embarrassing when the “About Me” section is long than my blog but I thought this picture spoke for it’s self, don’t you?


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Mitt Romney has done something that no one else could do!   Leave a comment

According to articles in today’s English press, Mitt Romney has questioned whether Britain is ready for Olympic Games.

Yes believe it or not the Republican party presidential nominee actually questioned our/Britain’s ability to host London 2012 Olympics and asked whether the country is genuinely willing to “celebrate” the Games.

Mitt

So with one simple thoughtless comment Uncle Mitt has done what the London Olympics Organising Committee couldn’t do, the Prime Minister of the UK – sorry I forget his name, tall inconsequential faffy type of chap… you know, what’s his name? And indeed the rest of the people involved in the London Olympics, or should that be according to Lord Coe after so many years of calling the London Olympic Games the “London Olympic Games” – the “UK Olympic Games,” I’d call Mitt ‘a bit of a Prawn” but I like Prawns so I won’t, i’ll do better than that and let my cuddly readers on both sides of the Atlantic decide what to call him!

Of course no one in the UK, most of whom are jealous of London and Londoners if they live outside of London didn’t like the Olympics!

We, that is, the people, and Cats of course of the UK, don’t actually like most things including ourselves, but when some jumped up asset stripper and presidential no-hoper comes to our country and suggests that we are a bunch of idiots who couldn’t organise a polygamist wedding in a Tabernacle or whatever it was he said it strikes home I can tell you.

Only the British allow themselves to be criticised by the err… British and no one else, I bet Mitt and his various wives, if he is a true follower of the faith, can expect to be one of the 3,500 people in the new modern London Aquadrome who won’t be able to see the top board in the diving competition because of the curved roof which obscures the view of the highest diving board.

What a shame that the UK Border Agency immigration staff were working at Heathrow Airport when they let him instead of being on strike as they promised they would be, or is that why he came early?

Still I pity poor Mitt I wouldn’t like to be in his brogues, during this trip and then when he so many more foreign policy mistakes on the next legs of what is probably his first trip outside of the US, and then gets roundly beaten by the presidential incumbent who let’s face it has disappointed too many people all too often.


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Plastic Carrier Bags, Value for money and the Environment   1 comment

Now that we all have to pay for our plastic carriers bags, to help save the environment, well that is the excuse that is made by retailers and the one time great providers of free eco-friendly carrier bags, is it time that we got something in return for our hard earned cash that is value for money?

Yes I think so!

Well that answer to my question was a little obvious because I am writing this blog from that point of view! But I hope you see what I mean.

Still my point is that Tesco and all of the other supermarket bandits shouldn’t be allowed to sell carrier bags that don’t live up to what name suggests and sadly fall well below the expectations of even a Cat, when the contents that have been crammed into the aforementioned carrier bag disappear out of the bottom and land below even the eye level of this vertically challenged Pussy!

There is, if I am not mistaken a point of law that says (in civilised western countries at least) that something which is bought from a retailer or any old third party should be of merchantable quality, isn’t there?

So having said that, would you my dear cuddly readers suggest that the carrier bag below is of that particular quality? Of course you wouldn’t, would you?

Tescos Carrier Bag

It not only failed in its mission to transport a sizeable shipment of mouth watering Prawns. It also spread those contents plus some rather personal items, which I prefer not to name, across the shopping mall floor, a shattering experience for the bottle involved and a highly embarrassing one for this poor humiliated and as yet uncompensated Cat.

Something has to be done to ensure that when we buy a carrier bag we get something that will do what the name suggests doesn’t it?

I suggest that someone start a campaign with of course my full moral support and backing, so long as I don’t actually have to do any hard work for that campaign because I am currently in mourning for a bag of Prawns and couldn’t bring myself to chain my person to the doors of a branch of Tesco – hint hint!

You know I have a feeling that there is more to this carrier bag nonsense than merely a clever supermarket getting extra cash for something they used to give away for free don’t you?

So convinced was I that there was something more to this that I even searched in the wonderful organ of misinformation and confusion ‘Google’ after typing “what happens to the money collected from selling plastic carrier bag that were once given away” I got these answers.

1. – “Americans throw away 100 billion plastic bags every year” Yeah right always blame the poor Americans, but what has that got to do with my question? Nothing of course!

2. “Firms faces penalties of up to £5000 if they give away single use carrier bags.” That seems a bit strong doesn’t it – still it was the Welsh Government website so…

3. Why do charity shops charge 5p for a used carrier bag when they’re selling clothes for 5 pence and selling books for 50 pence each?” Why indeed?

So after all that research – well I couldn’t stand reading more than a page of the nonsense that a Google search throws up so I gave up without any answers, but I did get loads of adverts served up to me selling things I didn’t need, have you noticed that Google always vomits nonsense doesn’t it? You would think that at least one advert would have mentioned “shopping bag” but it didn’t!

So sadly I can’t tell you where the 5p collected goes, although I suspect it goes towards the profits of the retailer involved and don’t blame them the scheme has to be inforced because it is the law.

I did laugh at this quote from one government website.

“What is a single-use carrier bag?

A single-use carrier bag is a bag that is not designed for substantial reuse and are often given out with the aim of transporting your goods home for just one trip. These are most often plastic bags but can also include paper bags too.”

Now I don’t know about you but I use paper and plastic carrier bags more than once to carry my Prawns home from the shop in and after that I use them as bing bags for my kitchen bin, although I have a suspicion that I should buy bin bags and use them for shopping first because they are so much cheaper at 2p according to the Tescos website page here Tescos website – Bin Liners and pictured below.

Tescos Bin Liners

It’s so true these days that high earning tax avoiders, The Tax Man, Politicians, Bankers, Multinationals and of course Supermarkets are all looking to take advantage of us.

As Leonard puts it in the Big Bang Theory when he trying to tell Dr. Sheldon Cooper that he has been compromised.

“Alright, well let me see if I can explain your situation using physics. What would you be if you were attached to another object by an incline plane wrapped helically around an axis?”

Dr. Sheldon Cooper: “Screwed?”

Leonard: “There you go.”


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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What a silly Kitty   Leave a comment

It seems that the Leopards in Sangatram, North East India are every bit as daft as the people, especially the Sukna Wildlife Squad, now that statement might sound rather harsh when you first read it but let this Cat explain why it seems so.

First take one member of the Sangatram wildlife, a Leopard for instance and place him close, but not too close, to what passes for a reservoir in that part of the world and a filthy algae infested pond to the civilised world. Then just for good measure surround what is obviously jokingly called a ‘reservoir’ with a 14 foot wall.

Then wait patiently for the two to get introduced or in the case of the Leopard from Sangatram to fall into the filthy mess which holds the local town’s drinking water.

What a Silly Kitty 1

Once not too comfortably installed in the dreadful health hazard that passes for water storage in North East India, wait one hour until the calvary arrives, in the form of a team of foresters known as the Sukna Wildlife Squad.

Then simply toss the Leopard a ‘rope,’ yes a rope – what’s wrong with that? So that the Leopard can use it to climb out. Doh! No Homer Simpson was not in charge of the lads from the Sukna Wildlife Squad on that day but he may well have been mighten he?

Unfortunately the crash helmeted member of the Sukna Wildlife Squad, who should wish to remain anonymous if he has any sense, failed with the rope but the lads from the Sukna Wildlife Squad are not beaten easily. I am pretty sure that they put their crash helmeted heads together and then of course completely misheard each other’s next brilliant suggestions on how to get the now very soggy Leopard out of the cesspit that the locals drink from.

What a silly Kitty 2

The brilliant answer was of course a rickety one as you can see from the picture but as Shakespeare could have said.

“All’s well that ends rickety!”

What a Silly Kitty 3


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Some animals like water – that’s confusing   Leave a comment

I came across this picture of a seal Pup and a Human off the coast of Northumberland and thought that my dear cuddly readers would like it. Personally as the title says I find it difficult to ‘like’ any water that is bigger than a few mouthfuls and can’t understand why other animals like it so much.

But I have to say that these two seem to be enjoying gallons of the wet stuff.

Cheeky Seal Pup

The more I looked at the this picture the more it seemed to me that Seals are like Dogs with fins, mind you this Seal, if he is representative of the breed, seems to suggest that his kind are a lot more intelligent that your average Bow-Wow, don’t you think?

You know, I think I like Seals! I wonder, if in addition to the usual Horn honking and Beach Ball tricks they learn in Circuses, whether they can be persuaded to catch Prawns for hungry, Prawn deprived Cats?


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Stubbs the Cat – the video   Leave a comment

Stubbs the Mayor

If you read my blog of a few days ago with the snappily short title of – “Spotlight on the longest serving Mayor in Alaska – Stubbs the Cat” you will have heard all about Stubbs the Cat who as the title says is the longest serving Mayor in Alaska and probably the world.

If you enjoyed my blog and there will be questions after if you didn’t, then I thought that you might well like to see a video (here Stubbs the Cat Mayor) all about this giant of the American political system.

If you didn’t read my blog then here is a very quick link Stubbs – my blog to follow which will enable you, or should that be empower you? I never know! Anyway it will let you read all about Stubbs the Cat who is a better politician than any human will ever be.

Of course as you would expect from a totally ‘wired wussy’ you can click on the picture below to go to my video page and watch the video now.

Stubbs the video


About the Author

The Cat Portrait2

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Catkind. His sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and his latest wonderful book ‘The Cat’s Travelogue’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or from the internet at Amazon.com and here for the Travelogue The Cat’s Travelogue Paperback Edition or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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