Archive for February 2011

New To My Blog   Leave a comment

If you are new to my blog then you won’t know that I have added yet another feature to enable even more people to enjoy my thoughts, jokes, observations and ‘outings’ of idiots and ‘hopefully’ be entertained at the same time.

What is new to my blog is this rather handy feature called ‘Google Translate’ which rather badly translates my wonderful words into a language near you. And if you use that feature you’ll see that I have made it easier for people who don’t use English as their first language like err… me of course then you can read my wonderful blog in any language you choose – the Cat translation is non-existent I see!

Did you see what I did there? Something very clever and used the phrase ‘new to my blog’ in two very different ways, pure genius!

The Cats Google Tanslate

Limitations

‘Limitations’ is such a sad word but unfortunately we all have limitations and my limitation at the moment is that (hopefully for the moment) you can only translate my wonderful words of genius here at my blog on my own http://www.wickedly wonderful website www.thecatsdiary.com and not at WordPress which is sad, so if you want to go straight to my blog and start translating now, here is the direct link – www.blog.thecatsdiary.com, if not then that is ok too.

So just to recap, for those hard of understanding, if you don’t read my blog here www.blog.thecatsdiary.com then you won’t be able to use the ‘amazing’ well you have to say that, although ‘rather good’ might be more accurate translation service from those gooey people who seem to own the internet.

In addition if can read this message then frankly I wouldn’t bother going to my blog here www.blog.thecatsdiary.com because you obviously don’t need the translation service, but if you read my blog and it doesn’t make sense (only because your first language is not English and not for any other reason) then do translate away here www.blog.thecatsdiary.com.

I would be delighted to hear what you think of my wonderful blog in your very own language if you for example call a Cat a ‘Neko’ and don’t use English all the time!

PS

As it is the last day of February I wondered if you could help me. I need about 50 of my loyal fans to buy my book at Amazon.com so that it breaks yet another record for books sold at Amazon.com this February.

Of course if you have already bought a copy of my wonderful book and one for all of your friends then it is time to start bullying people you hardly know to get a copy of my wonderful book ‘Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary” and do it now!

The Cat & Kindle

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Stop Press – Or Is That – We Interrupt This Broadcast!   Leave a comment

You can now see some short movies with Oscar winning potential on my http://www.wickedly wonderful website my new Video page you can use the pretty blue link or click the video screen capture to watch it in all of its wonderfulness.

One marvellous movie stars my very good friend Jimmy the Black Cat and the other exquisite movie, which I would say has Oscar winning potential written all over it – or would have if my web boffins had let me have ‘my’ own way – shows my screen double Lupin (odd name, I know but he is German Cat) gate-crashing a German TV weather forecast. Some may call this ‘adding value’ to German TV of course!

As usual do let me know what you think of my blog and also this time if you think that my movie direction has Oscar winning potential, because I would like to add that qualification that to ‘movie star quality’ on my CV. I hope that I will be on more screens soon, but I have already said too much!

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One Man’s Dog Is Another’s Outlaw!   Leave a comment

In the ‘good old’ days of the brilliant but balding Chairman Mao the rules were simple people were allowed one child, a ‘brilliant’ little edict that caused unimaginable harm to come to so many female babies, and keeping a Dog was banned because it was considered a ‘bourgeois decadence.’

But now as Chairman Mao spins like a top, without a topknot, in his grave keeping a pet Dog is seen as trendy, so trendy that there are nearly a three quarters of a million Dogs kept as pets, and happily their owners never think of them as lunch, in the city of Shanghai alone – but then hasn’t Shanghai always been a bit of the decadent bourgeois side hasn’t it?

In fact the number of people in Shanghai indulging themselves in what was until so very recently a bourgeois decadence is so great that the city authorities have decided that the time has come to do what all governments from Shanghai to Sidcup do and that is introduce legislation to ‘control’ the number of Dogs kept by Shanghians especially as horror of horrors only 140,000 of the Dog owners have licensed their Dogs with the police.

The new law means that if you don’t currently have a license for your Dog then you may as well have it for lunch because you aren’t going to be able to apply for one, but oddly enough if you already have two licensed Dogs you can keep them for companionship purposes rather than culinary.

In a rather odd statement the Shanghai police declared that “they are expecting they will have to adopt many of the Dogs once they are declared outlaws.”

Let’s hope that the multitudes of Shanghai’s outlaw Dogs don’t lead the police astray and start robbing trains, drinking moonshine liquor and having gun fights at corrals with two letter names – ‘OK!’

Dogs in Shanghai

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Odd Newspaper Sales Offer   Leave a comment

I’m still a bit busy trying to achieve something rather special and of course finish my next work of genius my Travelogue – the good news is that I am in Las Vegas at the moment, who that is good news for I don’t quite know but it must be good news for someone surely!

So with being busy etc., I feel I am neglecting my lovely cuddly blog readers who don’t get the longest blog at the minute, but they do get little jokettes and interesting pictures of course and if they are really feeling disgruntled could go to my www.wickedly wonderful website for more in-depth reading or of course buy my book here Amazon.com if they haven’t already tee hee.

So today’s blog – I do read the English newspaper called the Guardian which is rather famous for being ‘liberal’ and mis-spellings – the mis-spelling label is unfair because there are just as many poor examples of spelling everywhere these days especially in other newspapers.

Sorry the point and I separated for a moment but we are back together again now happily, veering off the point is just something I do as my dedicated readers will know full well – it is a talent of mine and of course part of my charm as a writer… oops the point mmh!

I saw this odd advert in the Guardian the other day and thought silly sods they can’t add up and that was it, but as the advert has appeared everyday now for a long while I thought I would share their silliness with you as they are so proud of it.

3 for 2

Note to the art department buy one get one free in my language means two umbrellas!

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Going To The Loo – Should Worry You!   2 comments

In Chengdu China they have special toilets for men – worrying! You wouldn’t want to use one of those would you?

Chinese special toilet

But if you have one of these breakfasts then you would ‘have’ to go wouldn’t you – life is a bitch isn’t it?

Intestinal breakfast

About the Author

The Cat is one of the most successful feline authors in the history of Cat kind, his sharp elegant wit has produced the bestselling book ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ and of course the much plagiarised gag of the same name which appears on all of the funniest joke sites on the internet.

Copies of the Cat’s masterpiece of feline literature ‘Getting out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary’ can be purchased at a bookstore near you or at Amazon.com or at what The Cat calls his www – wickedly wonderful website here www.thecatsdiary.com where you can not only learn more about me the genius Cat but also play my games they are all paw picked by me and have been described as “exactly what free on-line games should be, fun, free and fantastic.”

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Thinking About My Friends & Readers In New Zealand!   Leave a comment

I would just like to say that I am thinking about all of my friends and readers in New Zealand today and hope that more people are safe than first thought and that anyone trapped is rescued quickly.

NZ Earthquake

I see as of Tuesday 08.11 GMT the British government have done absolutely nothing and the Queen of England hasn’t offered any words of comfort to her New Zealand subjects, I wonder why?

Let’s hope that Australia is not the only nation to come to poor New Zealand’s aid hint hint.

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Posted February 22, 2011 by The Cat in Uncategorized

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It’s Snowing – How Dare It?   Leave a comment

The weather had grown warmer and more Spring-like and obviously lulled this contented Cat into a false sense of Springtime security. I was just limbering up to take in the vista of swathes of Snowdrops sparkling in grass that is greener and recovering from being coated in tons of snow and what happens?

Snowdrops

I’ll tell you what happens Mother Nature decides to be a right bitch and dump a load on our heads – thank goodness that load is ‘snowy’ that’s all I can say about it!

So the Mac Mini is ‘back’ after its little trip to the repairers and so far its working which is nice although I don’t know why I am saying it’s ‘nice’ that it is working because it is only doing exactly what I bought it to do! Isn’t it terrible that we have to be thankful that a computer that is a few months old is ‘still’ working? Bloody malmanufacturing Chinese and Apple have a lot to answer for.

Did you see my new way of describing anything made by the Chinese? The word is ‘malmanufactured’ and ‘malmanufacturing’ are the ‘ways’ of the ‘malmanufacturers’ or Chinese people with half a brain, little clue and a screwdriver in their hand.

Did you also see that people (not only me) are beginning to get annoyed with Apple for not ensuring that they properly oversee the manufacture of their products by the ham-fisted little brutes across the sea.

I read the other day that an Apple executive had visited the Apple factory in China to make sure that they installed nets to catch all of the jumpers who are tired of working for little pay in dire conditions. What he did made me think! Whilst I tend to agree with what the Apple executive wanted to achieve, I wonder whether they should’ve held off on the nets, until the standard of manufacture improved don’t you think so too?

Workers at Fox Conn

Judging by the picture of some of the workers at the dreadful factory which makes not only Apple Computers (badly) but also ruins all sort of electronic stuff, maybe the standard of manufacture is due to the long hours, terrible pay, very poor working conditions and goodness knows what else, we know that the jumping off the roof of the factory is.

The poor lady (in the picture) looks as though she wants to be at home on the farm, or making her children’s breakfast, or indeed crocheting but definitely not being held captive making something that means absolutely nothing to her and knowing that every one of the items she makes creates greater wealth for just a few of her fellow countrymen and of course Chinese politicians – do you get the feeling that in a few years what is happening now in the middle east will happen in such a bigger way in China – I do!

I feel so embarrassed buying goods made in China you know! It’s terrible to support the growth of a country and culture where they have no regard for human life or the standard of their manufacturing! I do wish that Apple could make their computers in the US or the UK and charge just a little more for them or better still take a little less profit.

The problem is that if Apple did that then the third world conditions of those two countries would improve, and the people employed on the production lines would be so happy to have a job that they would try to ensure that the product that they were making was of the highest quality!

Oh dear I see one problem here unfortunately – all of the components would still be made in China so they would still break – talk about a being held to ransom! What were the captains of industry thinking about when they moved all the jobs to China? Oh yes profit and not consumers of course.

Changing the subject and talking of a product that you can be proud of my writing of my next book is sailing along now which is nice.

Not only that I hope this week to be able to announce some ‘developments’ regarding my latest masterpiece of a book “Getting Out – Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary.” But all I will say at this moment is that you should get your copy from either Amazon.com or my http://www.Wickedly Wonderful Website www.thecatsdiary.com now!

The Cat & Kindle

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