Archive for March 2010

It’s Funny What You Find In The Kitchen   2 comments

As the title of this blog says it is funny what you find in the kitchen! Obviously a lot of what I ‘find’ in the kitchen has never actually been lost in the first place, but then again I have to say in my defence that I am not looking for most of what I find in the kitchen, if you follow my logic.

Personally when I am looking for something in the kitchen it is almost always Prawns, and sadly you don’t find them in the kitchen everyday in fact I usually find things that are inedible like vegetables or worse Cat food!

Can you imagine my surprise last night when I was having a stroll around the kitchen work surfaces looking for a lost, stray, forlorn, forgotten Prawn when I can across something truly unusual.

The something was actually a collection of somethings and all of them looked the same, and the only way to describe what they looked like was odd!

I suppose the best way to describe the pile of somethings is that they looked like a collection of inside out Strawberries with white albino skin and red seeds dotted over them.

Of course I thought that I should taste these odd looking berries and I have to report that they all tasted rather peculiar and I know that because I nibbled on each one, well I took a bite out of the first couple and then ever smaller bites out of the next few until I was definitely nibbling because disappointingly none of them tasted of Prawn.

Sadly to a Cat’s taste which has been fine tuned to Prawns these ugly berries tasted ugh! Almost like Pineapple in fact and I only know what Pineapple tastes like because once in a quick raid on a table laden with hors d’œuvres I thought I had kicked a plate of Prawns to the floor and when I dived off the table to eat as many as I could before being discovered, I was faced with a collection of Pineapple and Ham as a punishment for not pushing the right plate of the table in the first place.

Once I had given up the search for Prawns or Prawn flavoured or related snacks on the kitchen work surface I thought I would find out a little more about the odd fruits that I had encountered but all I can add to the facts above is that they ‘are’ called Pineberries, they are desperately expensive and shouts of “who has nibbled the Pineberries” carrys all the way from the kitchen to the upstairs study where I use the internet.

Just to show you what a Pineberry looks like I did manage to find a picture before I went into hiding for a few hours to allow the ‘situation’ that had developed to calm down.

Pineberries.jpg

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Posted March 31, 2010 by The Cat in Uncategorized

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Clever Elephants Better Watch Out!   4 comments

I read today in a newspaper, yes I do that sometimes mainly on aeroplanes to look intelligent and to ensure the person next to me doesn’t talk too much, that Elephants’ legs work like wheels of 4x4s.

Now I am no expert, and I have to say that has never stopped me having an opinion like the everyone else from Prince Charles to… oh I don’t know some other busybody, but I think that these clever Elephants had better watch out or they could be in trouble.

First they will get taxed for resembling a 4×4 and secondly they will have the environmental lobby on their tails telling them that they are choking the planet.

Personally I quite like the idea of 4×4 Elephants although they would be a nightmare to park and would definitely make the school run even more arduous, but on the plus side they would be roomy and the probably gas mileage would be good, well when I say ‘good’ it would probably be around 6 mpg. But hey, at least a 4×4 Elephant won’t have any sticky gas pedal problems.

But and it is a big one unlike a Toyota Land Cruiser if your 4×4 Elephant sees a Mouse you had better hang on tight I think that the ride might get a little bumpy.

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Sometimes You Read Something In A Foreign Language And You Know What It Says   2 comments

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Would you believe what a loyal fan sent me over the weekend? The above, yes that is right and I was impressed to say the least with our German cousins’ taste! No wonder Angela Merkel has had a bit of a smile on her face recently in the depths of the Euro crisis, she must have been reading my book!

Aren’t the Germans clever as well, the translation from English into German seems to have gone well and none of the meaning (as far as I can see) of what I said in my book has been lost in translation – well if the title “Getting Out Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary” is anything to go by that is.

Mind you I don’t think that they have got everything right if you look closely, six lines beneath the title of the book and printed in orange they describe me as an “Englische Bucher,” does that mean “English Butcher?”

Mmh sounds like the Mice have been talking!

So now it is accurate to say that you can buy my wonderful book at Amazon.com or indeed at Amazon.de.

I wonder what the Germans reading my wonderful masterpiece thought about the escape tunnels, as the idea for digging them was based on a World War II film I saw called “The Great Escape?”

Actually I think I know the answer to that question and it is “oh we see now, so that is how they did it!” – But said with a German accent tee hee.

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I Am A Polite Cat – I Promise   4 comments

I got a fan email the other day and after I replied wondered why I was labelled as “rude!”

The fan email I received was amazingly brief and I thought I would acknowledge that fact. Here let me show you what the correspondent said and what my reply was and let you my wonderful fans decide if I am not as polite a Cat as I though I was and therefore if I am not entirely rude that I am on the borders of being rude.

The fan wrote – “Just wanted to say hi!”

I answered – “Well thank you very much, I look forward to your next sentence with bated breath har ha.”

Now I don’t think that was rude do you, but then one Cat’s humour is another Cat’s rudeness I suppose.

The picture? Well I thought we should have something different today, they say a “change is as good as a rest” don’t they! Not only that this will really annoy Dave the Cat who thought that all of the copies of this picture had been destroyed hee hee!

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So this is a picture of my friend Dave the Cat, doing his impression (or so he says) of The Cat in the Hat – impressed? I wasn’t!

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Posted March 26, 2010 by The Cat in Uncategorized

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No Bodies In The Bin Today   8 comments

Happily there weren’t any bodies in the bins today (see yesterday’s post for more gruesome details) just lots of sun shining out over Prague. Looking out of the window today you could actually see silvery traces of spider’s webs trailing down to the Spruce trees (the original Christmas trees).

Spruce trees are interesting because before hops was used to add flavour to beer they used to use the young shoots of the Spruce tree and it gives a very aromatic flavour apparently – there don’t say you don’t learn anything while reading this Cat’s blog, not that beer is of particular interest to this or other Cats I have to say which just goes to show hoe ‘giving’ I am just like Bono – the climate clown.

Speaking of Bono and climate clowns, I have to say sadly that when I looked out of the window today I did see a bluish grey haze which I imagine is pollution, not a good sign.

But in the defence of the cloud of pollution it was a sort of lyrical hazy blue pollution cloud and not the same as the one that sweats over London, is a sort of sulphurous yellow and is intent on giving children asthma and cutting up to nine years off the life span of the residents.

Did you see that the UK is going to be fined for the over pollution of their bit of planet, the problem is Bus and Taxi exhaust – well they got rid of the cars in London.

Don’t you agree that it is a shame that no one fines India and China as well because they can teach the world a thing or two about pollution, if nothing else.

Ganges pollution.jpg

Above is a picture of the pollution (on a good day – there are no floating dead cows/humans) at India’s most sacred river, the Ganges, goodness knows what the not so sacred rivers look like or are full of!

Well this didn’t turn out to be a very funny blog which is a shame I like to make my readers smile a little even if they don’t laugh out loud, which by the way is never a good thing to do in public especially if you are alone because people around you will think that you are a little mad.

Tomorrow I plan to add a blog that will make you laugh and so I will not look out of the window before I write it I promise and hopefully then I won’t be tempted to get on to the subject of pollution.

So tomorrow I think we should talk about fish, yes what fun, we haven’t talked about fish for a long time have we?

By the way does anyone know what U2’s ‘Bono the Climate Clown’s’ real name is? I bet it is Jeff but spelt Geoff don’t you? Do let me know if you know what his real name is and indeed if you like U2, not that I care of course I just like to hear from my readers.

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Summer Is Coming You Can Tell   2 comments

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Hello all you lucky readers the sun is shining and you have another blog from me, what more could you want? Well my book well of course if you haven’t got it.

Today the sun is shining very brightly and the thermometer on the outside of the Kitchen window is showing 25 degree C, yes we know it does have a problem with the truth, and so it is probably 15 degrees cooler but still that is warm in comparison to what temperatures we have had here recently – and is about 60 degrees in the more sensible Fahrenheit way of understanding temperature I believe.

So no matter whether the thermometer (a nice English word without a French spelling) is lying or not, the day is nice and demonstrates that Spring if not Summer is coming to Prague and the Czech Republic.

Another sign that the weather was getting much milder today came in a very surprising form, when we went to put the trash out there was what looked like a dead human in one of the Wheelie Bins.

This sort of thing is not common in Prague and of course it is one of the reasons we moved out of smelly London, the last time I lived there my street was machine gunned as two drug dealers chased each other in cars up it and shot the buildings up into the bargain until one took a lump of lead and crashed his car outside of my building – very grand Theft Auto I must say, but not nice to live amongst.

Now because finding a dead body in your Wheelie Bin is not an everyday occurrence in sunny Prague you can imagine our surprise when we opened the lid of the bin to deposit our rubbish.

Obviously we chose another bin to dump the trash bag in and then stood there debating what to do about the – you know what, in the – you know where!

Deciding that it would be a good idea to call the police we went back inside and so as we looked out of the window for signs of life we started to dial the number and at the same time trying to work out the translation in to Czech of “I don’t know if you have already been told, or if you might consider it important but…”

Just as the number rang the Wheelie Bin lid opened and a man dressed like one of the very many people here who sort through Wheelie Bins to fill dirty carrier bags full of um, er, whatever they are looking for I suppose pull himself out and stretched wearily in the Sun.

He spent a few minutes getting the creases out of his jacket and arranging his woollie hat just so, then he reached in to the Wheelie Bin, grabbed a bottle of water (Volvic appears to be the water of choice if you are going to stay overnight in my Wheelie Bin) and then he sauntered off carrying a collection of dirty carrier bags.

“Huh!”

That is about all this clever Cat can say, although I have to say that I do feel for the ever increasing numbers of people who troll around Prague searching through Wheelie and non-Wheelie Bins, but in the main they are not victims of the recent banker’s balls-ups these people make a life choice and are it would seem very happy to graze bins for a living.

For what it is worth the only ones who ever ask you for money in the street are the punk like young ones who call themselves ‘Freegans” they are a curse of downtown Prague, in the summer especially, the others keep themselves to themselves and I suppose that a Wheelie Bin is better than a doorway and it probably makes a nice change on a warmish Springlike evening!

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Fact Is Stranger Than Humour!   Leave a comment

Just the other day I read a heart-breaking letter in an agony column and I thought that I would share it and the pain of these poor young ladies with you!

Dear Sir

Since my 13th birthday like my sisters, I’ve become a rather odd shape. Can you help us?
Lindsay, Susan and Doreen OVALTINE.

The OvalTeen Sisters.jpg

Poor things it must be dreadful to be that shape and this good looking Cat sends his sympathy to all three sisters, but just think of the up side you are probably all wonderful dancers and better still marvellous swimmers.

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Posted March 23, 2010 by The Cat in Uncategorized

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