Archive for December 2009

If I See Another Mince Pie!   2 comments

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Hello all of you lovely humans, I trust your Christmas was good, mine was but I tell you what if I see another Mince pie I think I shall spontaneously vomit and explode, aren’t they nice?

Of course they are, especially if you have made them at home, well when I said made them at home – I don’t mean by my own fair paw, does that go without saying? But I did watch some clowns make them, and then leave them to cool on the kitchen work surface, need I say more burp!

It is apparently the best thing to do, make your own Mince pies that is, “so much better than the ones from the shops because they are too sweet” I overheard, I also overheard the inhuman cries when the humans here discovered that their, now cool, Mince pies had been eaten.

Yes I think I broke some sort of record and managed to eat all of the Mince pies in the kitchen, I have to say I really don’t fancy any more for a long while, hang on what’s this?

I have to go, I have to go I have just heard someone ask “Turkey sandwiches anyone?”

Oh before I go, happy middle bit of no mans’ land between the Christmas celebrations and the New Year!

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Posted December 27, 2009 by The Cat in Uncategorized

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It’s Been Snowing! Have You Noticed?   2 comments

Hello all my cuddly friends. I would have been blogging earlier but I was one of those hundreds, (oh how I want to add thousands to the hundreds there just for effect) who were abandoned, ignored and uncared for by EuroStar recently when the train I was whizzing from Paris to London on stopped whizzing.

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Alarmingly the lights went out and people started to wonder “wtf” as I believe they say these days.

Well the ‘f’ was that we were stranded, abandoned and… well you get the picture, or you would have got a good quality picture if I had been packing a Camera but my trip to Paris was light, and I just had my iphone so the picture is not very good at all.

Actually I always travel to Paris ‘light’ because there are just so many pickpockets there, but adding that helpful piece of travel information is drifting away from the point and the drama of this little blog.

Is a little blog a blogette by the way? Mmmh, who knows!

Anyway there we were at first in a situation that would have made a passable comedy, and they when my iphone died the situation became dire, everyone knows that you can’t be disconnected from your mobile phone even for a second, the world may collapse and there would be no way of emailing the pictures of it happening, as it happens, which of course was exactly what my fellow travellers, or should I call them waiters, were doing as well as waiting for the train to start chugging again, which it didn’t!

As the hours slipped away and stiff upper lipped English people got tired of slapping the faces of whimpering Gallic ones while shouting “get a hold of yourself,” and “panicking won’t help, you know!” And they eventually began to panic too, I have to say this good looking Cat fell asleep and woke up rescued, which was very nice, some one had thought to bring hot Tomato Soup and Corned Beef Sandwiches and there was a spirit of the blitz about the EuroStar coach, although I have to say that was coming mainly from the EuroStar staff who were being shouted at a lot.

It was only later that I discovered the horrible truth of the depths to which some humans has stooped and then actually gone lower, just for the hell of it.

The scene apparently was like something from a co-educational ‘Lord of the Flies’ with human sacrifices and cannibalism, honestly you humans are odd, if you were hungry you should have popped down to the buffet car surely.

All in all my frozen experience was different to everyone else’s who were on the stranded EuroStar train, I wonder if that is because I don’t automatically expect to receive vast sums of the folding stuff in compensation, surely not!

Anyway here’s a Happy Christmas to one and all! Yes I did watch the Muppet’s Christmas Carol last night!

It really is up there with the best, I can see why Charlie Dickens wrote it especially for the Muppets they play it with a lot of feeling and understanding and I also have to say that Charlie Dickens screenplays are so much better than his novels which are really a bit dull but, and it is a big ‘but,’ you have to listen to the words of the songs he wrote specifically for this movie they are just sublime.

“Just one more slept till Christmmmmas”

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My Thoughts On Rendition!   Leave a comment

If you want my honest opinion regarding extraordinary rendition, I think I would prefer an extraordinary one than just the norm! Wouldn’t you?

This is an extract from my latest book “Thoughts from a Good Looking Cat!”

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Have I wished all of my lovely cuddly readers of my book, blog and my ‘www‘- wickedly, wonderful website a very Happy Christmas and more money in your pockets in the New Year? I hope so, I forget things sometimes. But I rarely forget to mention that you can still get my book at Amazon.com in time for Christmas and you really should you know, it would make me very happy and of course reading it will make you sublimely happy I promise. (Insert winning smile here).

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Snow Here Too – But Cruel Snow   Leave a comment

Much as I don’t want to wobble on about snow because I know that most of Europe has the stuff and the skies across the world are filling up with the more so that it can be dumped on us all over night. But I did want to just quickly mention the snow here and that is because it is cruel snow!

Why is it ‘cruel snow’ I hear you ask? Well take a look at this photograph of some poor pensioners who were caught in the snow this morning while waiting for a bus into Prague, poor things they were going on a grumbling and barging tour of the shops.

Happily by the time I went out to take the (probably award winning) picture the sun had come out and the sky was blue, it was chilly though and I got cold paws.

Honestly I don’t know what they are going to do with the poor frozen pensioners but I have noticed some really rubbish ‘installation art’ here and there in Prague and so they could use the frozen pensioners as that? It’s just an idea of course. Not much of a way to spend Christmas though is it!

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Posted December 17, 2009 by The Cat in Uncategorized

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What The Dickens?   Leave a comment

After seeing that someone had managed to sell a Toothpick that belonged to old Charlie Dickens of Christmas Carol fame (not the Muppet version I hasten to add) recently for $9,000, it started me thinking about what mementoes my true fans would buy from me.

Just think, Charlie Dickens is dead! And that Toothpick which someone bought had been used by him to pick his teeth with, though of course he would have done that when he was alive! I am not suggesting anything really awful here, just that the Toothpick had been dragged in between his yellowing molars rather often, oh wait a minute The Cat has to puke.

Sorry about that, where was I oh yes Charlies’ Toothpick ‘the bargain of the year.’ Well I have decided to take a leaf out of Charlies’ book, though not literally or even literary if you see what I mean! I think I do, even if no one else does! I have decided to sell some of my own treasured possessions.

So now you lucky fans you can choose from the following new or nearly new treasured possessions:-

My Flea Collar (used and modelled by the ‘lovely’ Larry).

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My Scratching Post (modelled by good old athletic Ginger).

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My ‘downstairs’ Litter Tray (emptied, I think).

A Cat Collar with an elastic gusset which is supposed to help a Cat, in some way or the other, if it is dangling after being caught by a branch whilst the aforementioned Cat is tree climbing. But I have to say all it ever did for me was to make me bounce up and down as I dangled.

Author’s Note:

The Cat Collar is not modelled, in the picture below, by Roger, who simply bet me I wouldn’t include this picture of him!

The boy is a fool, now who looks like a complete buffoon and not only in this picture, Roger?

Incidentally I do apologise about the poor quality of the picture but Roger hit me on the head with the camera, though I don’t know why maybe I am losing my memory!

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And finally of course my Cat nip flavoured mouse collection including poor Terry the small and very smelly Ginger Cat nip mouse. Sadly none of the other Cat nip mice will have anything to do with Ginger! It breaks your heart doesn’t it?

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All of which, judging by the amount of money some fool paid for a used Toothpick, should raise a fortune, the bigger the better I say!

It almost goes without saying that the cash generate from the sale will come in handy. Christmas time is such an expensive time isn’t it? Buying presents empties the bank account almost as fast as a – well I was going to say bad banker – but frankly they all are bad aren’t they? If they weren’t bad we wouldn’t be in the deep doo doo we are in, would we?

Actually if you buy my wonderful book as a present for people who you really, really like and who deserve something really very special this Christmas then you won’t spend a fortune I promise.

The best place to get my amazing book is here of course Amazon.com and when you get it at Amazon.com you will have it delivered a long while before Christmas and that will save you trolling about in the shops fighting others for it and then having to carrying it home.

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Christmas Present List   Leave a comment

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Hello to all of my wonderfully good looking readers from your humble servant The Cat.

I was so very pleased and frankly incredibly touched to hear that you wanted to know what I would like for Christmas. Of course I know that the question is one that is asked of a lot of very famous people and quite rightly we are a very important bunch with mostly fascinating opinions.

Looking down the list of people who have already filled in what they most desire for Christmas was a humbling experience I can tell you and before I let you in on my entry I thought I would share with you some of the hopes and aspirations of some very famous people indeed.

Most of the Politicians at the Copenhagen Climate Conference – want a cleaner, fairer, safer world.

President Obama – wants world peace. Presumably to match his Nobel Prize.

President Putin – wants to reduce nuclear arms.

President Sarkozy – wants to end hunger.

Nelson Mandela – wants to end injustice.

The Pope – wants stop premature infant death.

Elton John – wants more to be done to fight HIV/Aids

Mohammed Ali – wants more understanding between different races.

Prince William of England – wants a nice shiny Aston Martin like his Dad’s!

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It makes you proud that we have such altruistic celebrities and elected representatives. Not one of the ones who have earned their status were as selfish as they are often made out to be.

All of which brings me onto what I would like for Christmas.

The Cat – wants an end to hunting, shooting and fishing for amusement.

I do wish my readers a very Cool Yule and a Happy Christmas and remember if you need any present ideas you still have time to buy my book from Amazon.com it really is very good and that is because I am an inordinately good looking and talented Cat.

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Who Is Responsible For This Outrage?   2 comments

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Do you know what? I love being outraged! Don’t you? There is nothing quite like a good rant at someone’s expense and of course it makes a nice change for me to do a bit of ranting rather than be ranted at.

Normally, for some reason that I haven’t ever quite fathomed out, people and of course I mean humans here, like to rant about the things I do, such as a little al fresco pooing behind the TV.

I don’t know about you but I get really bored digging in a litter tray four or five times a day and so once in a while I like to ‘go’ elsewhere, what’s wrong with that I ask you? Nothing of course! The humans tend not to agree though, bless them, and get just a little annoyed with me, then they do a bit of ranting after I slope off behind the TV.

Now it is my turn to rant! As you can see from the picture above some Cats, for reasons best known to themselves, do a bit of ad hoc jumping, probably I think to entertain humans. I say if that is what they like to do then why not, it doesn’t hurt anybody does it.

Actually I have to stress at this point that I never jump in public – Cats are supposed to be laid back – it would ruin our image.

But recently I have seen the results of Cats demonstrating their jumping skills to humans just look at the picture below.

The picture was sent to me from a “well wisher” and I have to say that it is just about the most awful thing I have ever seen. How can a sane human do this to an innocent Cat? No, I don’t know either. This sort of behaviour isn’t nice and it isn’t natural is it?

Maybe the Cat in the picture was bad, if so what on earth did he or she do that was so terrible that he or she had to be tortured in such a way as this?

Even the good Catholics in the Spanish Inquisition didn’t behave like this, or was that because aeroplanes hadn’t been invented?

Please if you know of anyone who had a Cat drop on their head recently can you get in touch with me and we will see if we can find a better home for this poor individual I think the Cat needs it don’t you.

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So to any Cats reading my blog and I know a lot of you do, let the above picture be a cautionary illustration and the story of that sad, frightened and tortured Cat be a lesson to you. When you think about jumping for the entertainment of some human or other thing again, think where it might lead.

I don’t know about you by dangling by a few strings 10 inches above the ground is a bad idea as far as I am concerned let alone several thousand feet attached to some homicidal (or is that Felinicidal) human who really and truly should either know better or be locked up immediately.

Lastly this thought just struck me when I was writing about Catholics, is or are Catholics anything to do with Cat Alcoholics? The words are so similar that it makes you wonder doesn’t it?

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Posted December 14, 2009 by The Cat in Uncategorized

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